Here’s some of the beliefs that I’ve heard from some of my coachees:
“I won’t get that job”
“I’m too old to achieve that now”
“I never achieve what I want to”
“I can only succeed if I exhaust myself in the process”
These negative beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophesy of course – if you say you won’t achieve something, then you won’t. If you genuinely believe that life is not meant to be easy you will ignore/delete opportunities that come your way and see the problems and hopelessness in everything. Your attention will be drawn towards what went wrong or what ‘will’ go wrong, not what did or could go right.
Someone who believes they can only succeed exhausting themselves, won’t be looking for opportunities or make plans that make life easier. With this self-limiting belief, work becomes something to be endured and all joy is eliminated. It will be useless anyone telling them that life can be easy and run smoothly because they will have spent a lifetime gathering evidence to prove that the negative life they’ve chosen to live or work by is, in fact, the truth.
The reality is that there will have been just as many, or probably more, times when everything has gone well for that person, but because they were looking to prove that life isn’t easy, they just won’t have noticed them.
If you notice this in yourself, try to notice when you have these conversations with yourself. Try to think about what is holding you back and how you can replace those limiting beliefs with supporting ones.
For instance, instead of saying that work is never easy (and so is hard work), can be reframed to “work is full of opportunities”.
Beliefs won’t change overnight, but they will change through noticing the pattern then a consistent and conscious effort to replace limiting beliefs with supporting ones.
We define ourselves by what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. A coaching session is a safe space to work out what we want to believe and understand how to start the work of replacing limiting, negatives beliefs with ones which make our work and lives happier.
I believe I can fly R Kelly